


I Love You, Too

by lanyrainicorn



Series: Secrets [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Fluff, One Shot, Smut, jeankasa - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 17:41:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6529732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanyrainicorn/pseuds/lanyrainicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I didn’t expect this to happen. I didn’t mean for it to happen. It wasn’t supposed to happen!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Love You, Too

Jean loves Mikasa. That’s an undeniable fact that Jean doesn’t even bother hiding anymore. Not from Connie when he inevitably found out about their secret meetings after the lights had gone out. (Why else would a guy come sneaking back to bed, sweaty and out of breath and starry eyed, well past two in the morning?) Not from Sasha when Connie proved for the millionth time that he couldn’t keep his big mouth shut. (Which earned both of them several swift smacks to the head, while they both apologized profusely and swore complete secrecy from then on.) Certainly not from himself when the realization, sudden and out of nowhere, hit him like a ton of bricks, sucking the wind from him like a vacuum. The one person he’s fought tooth and nail to keep in the dark, ironically, is Mikasa herself.

From the first “you have beautiful black hair”, she was the instant subject of some sort of feeling between first-schoolyard-crush and insatiable lust. Not the most rational of emotions, but one of the few that Jean had the capability of expressing. Mikasa, of course, is smart and intuitive, so it goes without saying that the very obvious way that Jean stared at her during meals, training, _everywhere_ , didn’t go unnoticed. Jean hoped she didn’t interpret that as love, because as much as he did love her, he knew she didn’t feel the same. _If only spreading your legs for someone meant you loved them_ , Jean often thought.

But their little arrangement was enough, and he relished the time he got to spend with her late at night, whether he was buried to the hilt inside her while they moaned each other’s names, or holding her close to his chest, petting her soft hair as she sobbed about Eren unrelentingly into his chest. It was a sort of sexual symbiosis that worked out well for the two of them, despite his feelings. It was enough, and Jean was happy with it.

-

His hands searched for purchase, finally finding it in the form of a strong, toned waist. Jean dug his fingernails in, vaguely noting to apologize for the marks later, even though he knew Mikasa didn’t mind. How could she, when his face was buried between her thighs, just like she liked it.

“Stop teasing me,” she moaned, obviously irritated. Jean raised his eyebrows, licking his lips as they split into that trademark handsome smirk.

“I thought you came here to get off?” he asked, rubbing slow circles on Mikasa’s hipbones with his thumbs.

“Yeah, but you’re teasing me. Just get on with it already.” Jean’s smile dropped. Mikasa never acted like this. She was always straightforward, honest to the point of ridiculousness, but never this curt, never spoke with this kind of… _venom_. “Just fuck me.”

Jean was stunned, but he just nodded and did as he was told. He pecked a trail of kissed from the corner of her mouth, across her cheek and down her neck, to her clavicle, nipping at the bone when he reached it. When he slid his cock against her, she shivered and though it usually made him smile, tonight it was just irritating. Something was off. Mikasa wasn’t one for expressing emotion so freely – and that was _any_ emotion; anger, sadness, happiness, none of these were feelings that she showed often. If she was annoyed, and openly so, that meant something was wrong.

Jean made himself stop, leaning up on his elbows to look at Mikasa’s face. Her head was thrown back against the ground, eyes closed, but her eyebrows were furrowed and the way she was biting her lip wasn’t how she usually bit her lip – the way she did when Jean was taking her high, to a different place, making her forget everything around her. Something had felt wrong all night, honestly. There was a rigidity in her kisses, a stiffness to her shoulders when Jean slid her shirt off.

“What’s wrong, Mika?” Jean asked her, brushing her bangs from where they clung to her forehead. She huffed at the sound of his voice. Yeah, she was most definitely annoyed.

“You’re not fucking me into the ground, _Jean_ ,” she spoke his name with a certain amount of condescension, “that’s what’s wrong.” Usually he found her bluntness endearing, but right now it was just pissing him off. “You said it yourself, we came here to get off. That’s why we meet like this, so that’s what I expected.” Jean would be lying if he said that didn’t hurt him a little.

“I think you know know as well as I do that this became more than a sex thing a long time ago,” he groused, sitting down in the grass and running a hand through his wind mussed hair. His hair gotten a lot longer since he first became a cadet. But it wasn’t the only thing that had grown. _He_ had grown, changed. He was a different person. He had matured – physically and mentally. No more baby face and soft teenage body – now he was all sharp features, masculine jawline and high cheekbones, strong chest muscles cut under scarred skin, which was darkened ever so slightly by the sun. He’d become a great unit leader – and interim commander (under Armin, of course, but that was nothing but a technicality).

He knew that Mikasa was different, too. She was more resilient than ever, and unwaveringly dedicated to Captain Levi, though their relationship hadn’t always been so steadfast. She was still devoted to Eren, but no longer obsessively so; she gave him his space and trusted the judgement of the others to protect him with all the tenacity she always had. She always came to Jean’s rescue too; she was ever quick to defend him, even against Eren, which had really thrown them all for a loop the first time it happened. She was also softer in some ways, but she didn’t show it around just anyone. She saved her tender self for Jean, late at night when the crickets chirped and their friends snored in their beds, oblivious to the happenings around them (Most of them, anyway).

Mikasa stood up quickly, yanking her skirt up her legs as she did and it made Jean start. He was so confused. One minute she had been moaning his name under her breath and now she was huffing off back to the barracks.

He jumped up, taking off after her. “Did I do something wrong? Something’s obviously wrong, Mikasa. You know you can tell me, right? That’s what I’m here for,” he said, moving to wrap his arms around her, run his fingers through her hair the way he always did when she was upset. Instead, she stepped back, pulling away from his embrace.

“That’s not what you were _supposed_ to be here for!” she practically shouted in return.

He put his hands up, motioning for her to lower her voice. “Shhh, you’re gonna wake up the entire camp. Mikasa, what the hell are you talking about?”

“I mean you weren’t supposed to be here to support me. The first time I came to you it wasn’t supposed to mean anything. I was upset and I needed to blow off steam because Eren can be so damn frustrating. I guess I thought that somehow having sex with you would be some sort of weird revenge against Eren for treating me like shit all the time? Because I knew you two hated each other and I knew you would have sex with me if I asked…” Her hair was plastered to her face with sweat from the humid air and tears were welling up in her eyes.

“That’s fine,” Jean reasoned with her, “it’s okay. If that’s what you want, fine. We can do that.” He was desperate, willing to do anything to keep her close to him, keep her from running away, leaving him. “If sex is all you want from… whatever this is we have, that’s okay! We can do that.”

“No, we can’t, Jean! We can’t just go back to the way things were!” She buried her face in her hands, paced in front of Jean frantically. “I didn’t expect this to happen. I didn’t _mean_ for it to happen. It wasn’t _supposed to happen_!” The last bit was rushed and quiet, as if she’d only meant for herself to hear it.

“Mikasa, what? What wasn’t supposed to happen?!”

“I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you, you idiot!”

The words echoed through the air and then there was silence. The wind ceased its low whistle, the crickets stopped their trills, the night birds gave up their songs, because there was something far more important hanging in the air, something worth more than the chorus of a thousand cicada chirps or the most beautiful melody ever written.

Jean repeated her words in his head. All at once, it seemed, his heart stopped, skipped a beat, shot through his mouth and into his stomach, and beat out of time. Had she really said that? Did she really just say she was in love with him? Mikasa, in love with Jean? There were so many questions racing through his mind, but they were all drowned out by the loud thump of his pulse in his ear.

“Mika…” he said, stepping forward again. This time she didn’t resist, she simply fell into his arms as they both folded and slumped to the ground. He carded his hands through his hair, just how he always did when he knew she was having a hard time.

He had so many things he wanted to ask, so many things he wanted to say; to reassure her, to comfort her, to tell her they’d figure this out, find out a way to get through it. But for now, he settled on four simple words:

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments always welcome! (especially to alert me to all those pesky typos)
> 
> I have a [tumblr](http://lanyrainicorn.tumblr.com) where I post my limitless love for anime.


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